freakytoot

5 more days

Sat, 13 Oct 2007 14:13:47 GMT

i finally realised that yesterday was the last day of school. looking back it has really been a wonderfrul 4 years. thinking about how i used to hate the school like crazy and groaning about the fact that i'm actually here but now, i'm glad i went there.without going to sjc i wouldn't have gotten to know all these wonderful people. now i know how GOD works. i used to think that he must be crazy to put me in such a horrible school but really now THANK YOU LORD i finally realised how much i love the school.

i can't believe that i can't go back to school again next year and continue having class with the wonderful 4grace and having recess with the pigs or hang out with the shooters. and maybe even more studying with dawn and wx and janani and jy. this year especially have been memorable, as i finally broaden my mindset and im glad to say that i have matured. no longer do i just start blaming everyone for all the things gone wrong in my life, no longer do i complain non-stop, no longer do i feel that my life sucks, instead i'm really thankful to HIM for bringing me to sjc, to experience the best 4 years of my life.

after all the studying and all, i've realised how much the teachers and actually doing for us, they work so hard mark tons of papers everyday, just so that we can do our revision well and do our very best for the o's. when we asked for night study they gave us, we asked for chinese orp they let us, we wanted them to give us worked sloutions they did, but yet what have we given to them? how much have we actually done for them? well the only think we can do is to really put in our 101% into this exam, do our very best and make them really proud of us. that's how im gonna repay them. all these wonderful teachers, from mrs chan, mrs daz, mrs debra tan, mr tan gc, mrs tan yilin, mrs cherry lim, ms goh, mr christopher sim, mdm zhang, mrs ng, mrs elang, mrs susie lee, mr lim kt, mr marcus tan, mdm norani etc. all these teachers have been wonderful, so loving and they never gave up on any of us no matter what. and it is becasue of them that im inspired to be a teacher, to nurture more kids like how they did to me. not only them but also sheryl and cheryl and celina too. these people have also inspried me to educate more people to god's love, of how much he really loves each and everyone of us.

thank you lord for bringing all these people in my life,
to inspire me,
and it it through them
that i've experienced all the things you have done for me,
all through my parents,
thank you for their love for us their children,
although many times we dont see it,
thank you lord,
thank you.
amen.

missing them.

Wed, 25 Jul 2007 15:16:14 GMT

i'm missing payatas. i really want to go back. see nesslyn, jun jun, joshua, nicasio, joy joy and all the rest. but i doubt i'll get the chance. i'm not exactly keeping in touch with acts29 so even if they go for trips and all, they wouldn't tell me right? maybe it was wrong to just leave like that. i don't know. i just saw some photos of the kids and it made me almost cry. i really do miss them.

prelims are here. but they don't feel like they are here. guess its been too many orp papers that i've gotten too comfortable with it and ain't really stressing out. haha. its good but then again bad in a way. haha. but i really hope that it would all go well. i really need my single digit L1R5.

after having a good talk to jo, i finally realise that i've been handling the situation wrongly. there's no point dwelling on these rumours and gossips. why feed myself with so much of these rumours that people spread and not just go find the source? it was really dumb of me. i shall pluck up my courage to ask her after prelims. no matter what her answer is, as long as there's a closure for this issue. yup.

i miss my team. i miss my Lp2. sometimes i wish i could go back in time, to start shooting again, and do even better then before. but i can't turn back the clock. i can't re-compete in nationals. it was a mistake of my part, and becasue i lacked confidence in myself, i was hesitant about firing off. it may be a small factor, but this small factor led to the fact that we are only in the 10th position in nationals. if only we had a tiny bit more in the score, i think we would have gotten at least a 9th position. and if i hadn't hesitated for practically every shot, i believe i would have easily beat my personal best and maybe even getting better then 12th position in nationals(individual). well, at least there's something comforting, i managed to obtain a 3rd in individual for north zone and team 2nd for north zone too. but i really wanted to get something for nationals. really. i could have done so much better.

i'm feeling super tired now. especially today after amaths and history. but can't sleep. study chem. i must. therefore i shall stop writing now.

one more day to hell.

Sun, 24 Jun 2007 02:18:41 GMT

just woke up with a horrible nightmare. what was ahocking was that it was so bad that i could clearly picture everything and even shouted f*** many times in the dream. i was damn scared. what if it happens in real life. knowing her if it ever happens to her she won't say anything but just keep it to herself and suffer the trauma alone. now it makes me want to protect her even more. luckily the guys are there with her all the time. but its just this fear in me that something might just happen to her one day and i can't be there 24/7 to help. i'm scared.

on a lighter note, yesterdays overtime was relatively good. thanks guys for encouraging me the whole time, telling me that i was playing alright and yes it turned out right. thank you LORD for allowing me to use the guitar to praise you, to lead everyone, together with the other worship team people, in singing your praises, in just worshipping you wholeheartedly. thank you so much. i agree though that there were many thingd that me myself have to improve on. which is that i have to open up to people. get out of my comfort zone and go up to people, and that have got to be the first step to my mission of bring more people to christ. yup.

one more day to school. not exactly looking forward to it though. but shall work hard. i want to make it to cjc. haha.

beautiful day.

Mon, 18 Jun 2007 03:42:54 GMT

yesterday was really one of the best day of my entire life. the day that i have been waiting for for 4 years. and i was so scared that people would laugh at me when they saw me in my attire but guess what, none of them did. they were really sweet about it and kept telling me how good i look. and it was all these words of encouragement that kept me in high spirits the entire day and also gave me the confidence and the courage to face everyone. spiritual prep was good, and somehow i had this urge to tell sheryl that I WANT TO BRING MORE PEOPLE TO CHRIST after confirmation. i didn't know why i thought of that or how i was going to go about doing that but i just felt that that was truly what i wanted to do. and just that mere 3 hrs before the mass, everyone took the chance to bond and to just enjoy the company of each other.

at 5.30pm, finally it was time for us to go in. we walked in, hands together and bowed at the altar. i wasn't as nervous as i expected myself to be and after walking through, somehow i felt like i haven't walked through. haha. the mass was sort of a reminder of what was said during camp, the gifts of the holy spirit and how we can use these gifts to help others. the archbishop also constantly reminded us of not enind our christian journey here but to spread to everyone God's love and to ask the holy spirit for guidance in everything we do. when it was finally time to be annointed with the holy chrism, i was so nervous, i couldn't even tell if Jo was really behind me. mass ended nicely and then it was phototaking. we the SCC class as usual decided to take a really hilarious picture with the archibishop. haha. other class was organised and all but we being the usual us, decided to just pretend that all the parents taking our photos were our personal fan club. haha. and sheryl was so sweet, before the phototaking she announced through the microphone :" CAN SHERYL AND CHERYL AND CELINA'S CLASS PLEASE COME TO THE FRONT FOR PHOTOTAKING NOW? AND YES CELINA YOU ARE A PART OF A CLASS SO PLEASE COME UP TOO." it was so sweet to hear it from sheryl since celina had left our class a long time ago already. when that was over, i don't know why but i kept taking photos with everyone. haha. and THANK YOU GUYS FOR ALL THE PRESENTS!!! i really appreciate them.

dinner was a blast too. haha. we had prata at casaurina curry with lucien, bert, denis, matthew, debbie, stacey and her sister and friends. it was good fellowshipping with the guys once more. and after that was POOL. haha. bet bert was super happy. haha. went to golf course to play and nat, jo, brice, sherwin, tine, jeremy, jon, hazel and shawn came later. played until around 2 and just went crazy with everyone. so crazy that when i tried to bang the cue stick on the floor, it landed on my own toe! haha. now there's a patch with flesh showing and my nail has turned purple. haha. but the whole time was fun although i somehow felt that i was leaving jo out. like it was supposed to be a godma and godchildren outing but it ended up with a cc4 outing plus jo. sry jo!

after thinking of all that have happened yesterday, this big part of me inside is feeling rather sad. that yesterday really was the last day that we would ever stay as a class, altogether. how i wished that i could go through cat class once more. for a these 4 yrs, many friendships have been forged, much fun and laughter although sometimes the occassional fights and quarrels. but really all these will be kept inside me and never forgotten. these are the friends that have seen me grow up, from a girl who refused to touch any skirt to someone who dare to wear a skirt and a spagetti top for confirmation. these people know me as the celesther the sotong and are really the rare few people that i can actually act myself in front of them. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR THE MEMORIES, FOR ALL THE TIMES SPENT. I WON'T FORGET YOU GUYS. PROMISE. and to sheryl cheryl and celina, thanks for all that you have done for us all. you guys have been our guide these 4yrs and have helped us grow from shildish children to slightluy more matured young adults. you were right sheyl when you said about the river that was separating the girls form the boys. now there's no more river. we are one. thank you once again for beinr there for us all the time. thank you.

and i was sreally surprised that bay, monique, celeste and cathy came. i thought they weren't. thank you guys for coming evern though you all had to rush home for your fathers' day celebration. thank you sooooo much. appreciate it.

and now after all the excitement of confirmation, all the photos, the fun and laughter, its back to the question that jo asked me that is long overdue. WHAT IS CONFIRMATION FOR ME? truthfully, i haven't been thinking and praying for an answer. but as i was reading the card that jo gave me, it came to me that this confirmation meant that i have accepted christ in my life, i have been sealed with the holy spirit. to me, this marks the day that i have accepted christ by my own will and now that i was forced to. and now that i have been sealed with the spirit, i can and i will bring more people to christ. after all the 4 years of taking and taking from cat class and all, its now time for me to give back and spread God's word now.

Dearest Father,
i thank you once again for all that you have done for me and the rest of the cc4s.
thank you for this chance to go through confirmation,
to give us this chance to sincerely accept you in our life,
accept you as our Lord God.
and i pray Lord,
that we will contiue to seek you in our life,
that we will not just end our journey here,
but that we will continue to serve you through our unique talents,
that we will always turn to you in everything that we do,
that we will remain as active members of whichever church we go to,
and that we will always do things to honour you lord,
that we will be good examples of your children,
and build your kingdom for you Lord.
i also pray lord that we will continue to journey with our Godparents,
that we will work with them to seek you,
and that we wouldn't just drift apart,
but build that relationship,
with you Lord.
Thank you Lord.
Thank you.
Amen.

STILL - Hillsong
----------------------
Hide me now,
under your wings.
Cover me,
Within your mighty hands.

When the oceans rise and thunders roar,
I will soar with you above the storm.
Father you are king over the flood,
I will be still and know you are God,

Find rest my soul,
In christ alone.
Know his power,
in quietness and trust.
-----------------------

i am CELESTHER ALEXIS WONG.

Sat, 16 Jun 2007 15:11:47 GMT

ONE MORE DAY!!!!! i'm getting confirmed in approximately 19hrs! haha. can't wait. i have been looking forward to this very day for a really really long time. yup. but that will mean its really the end of cat class, the end of sheryl's naggings and cheryl's bullying. haha. it might also mean the start of drifting away from cat class friends.. but know what, who cares about what will happen in the future. God will take care of that, there's no need for me to bother myself about such things that i can't even control. haha.

and guess what, they aren't coming. i don't know why but they are always doing this to me. i mean i've been to everyone of their confirmation and now its mine and they aren't coming. im sorry but i'm pissed. i thought that maybe they could celebrate this joyous occasion with me but now look what's happening now. it hurts. alot. when ppl you treat as your really good friends and promised to go for your confirmation no matter what just decided that they don't want to come. on the night before. thanks guys.

but i shall not let that spoil my mood. yup. i can't wait. haha. and i'm gonna celebrate with jo and nat and tine tml night. haha. yup. thank the good Lord for these people. they never leave me. i really love them alot alot. and to my beloved cc4 class, i really want to thank you guys for all the time spent these few years. it was really really a memorable time and i will never forget you guys. promise. and it is always these people that can bring joy to even the lousiest day. even though i hardly see them. really, i wouldn't know what to do without you guys. thank you very very very much.

and i've resolved the awkwardness between edward and me. yup. it feel good actually. getting back a friend. thanks ed for understanding. although for now it might still be alittle uncomfortable between us sometimes but i guess the friendship will heal. and hopefully it will be the same for daphne. even though she doesn't exactly like me now, but its an undeniable fact that she was once my good friend and i just hope that things would go well for her soon.

anyway post again another day.

missed those days.

Sun, 10 Jun 2007 16:28:28 GMT

today was fun fun fun! princess lucy and debbie celebrated their birthday with 2hrs worth of bowling, arcade, slacking and pizza hut! haha. never expected outing with lucien, the sanchez sisters, mich, chris, debbie, bert, matt, iggy, nana and tine to be this fun! haha. it just reminded me of those days when we used to hang out with them alot, when we didn't even knew eXcess, or jeremy and all the other late night people. those times when we were so innocent, getting back home the latest by 8pm. but look at the huge difference now.. haha. what a change in less then a year.

sometimes i wished i didn't know all these people. at least things might not have changed so much, at least we wouldn't be coming home past midnight and all.. but then again, i wouldn't have grown so much if it weren't for all these people. especially jo. if it weren't for her, i don't know how long i'll be able to last already. and its becasue i'm so dependent on her that there are times when i feel bad disturbing her for even the sillest complains. yes, she told me that its okay and i can talk to her anytime, especially since she's my godma, but still. i don't know. it just gets rather frustrating sometimes. and when times like these get so long, i always feel like telling her everything. but how to open my mouth? if i'm gonna say it, wouldn't it be the same as me increasing the already heavy burdens that she's carrying on her already. i mean she dosen't only 'look after' me, there's still daph, nat and many many others. ahh. i don't know. sometimes i wonder if i'm a bother to her. haha. maybe.

well back to happier news. confirmation is in another week! yay! hopefully after confirmation, we the cc4s from sheryl and cheryl's class would still maintain our strong friendship. and maybe attend mass together, go for youth gatherings together or just have fellowship through a simple meal. i've always said how much i've hated sheryl, but truth to be told, i really have much to thank her. although she's strict and all but its undeniable, she made our class grow up to these matured teens. and she was the one that saw us through our entire 4yrs. and cheryl and celina too! these 3 very special people have journeyed with us right from the start of our confirmation journey and have been a friend, a sister, a mum to us. and i really thank God for them.

Dearest Father,
i just want to thank you for all these people you have put in my life.
all these differnt people have helped me to grow much deeper in faith in their own special ways.
and i really thank you Lord for their existence in my life.
Lord,
i pray that the teens preparing for confirmation would continue to seek you in their life even after confirmation.
and that our relationship with each other would continue to grow strong,
even after class have finally ended.
and lord i pray that,
i too will continue seeking you in my life,
to always put you in the number 1 spot in my life,
and to be an instrument for you lord,
to help others and share the love you have given me to the people around me.
Thank you Lord.

Amen.
Hillsong United :
CAME TO THE RESCUE
---------------------------
Falling on my knees in worship
Giving all I am to seek Your face
Lord all I am is is Yours

My whole life
I place in Your hands
God of mercy
Humbled I bow down
In your presence at Your throne

I called You answered
And You came to my rescue and I
I wanna be where You are

In my life be lifted high
In our world be lifted high
In our love be lifted high

things to do when you are bored.

Sat, 09 Jun 2007 17:51:04 GMT

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are balanced, peaceful, and sincere.
You're the type of person who goes along to get along.
And you're definitely afraid of rocking the boat.

Underneath it all, you fear your world falling apart.
You'll put up with a situation that you don't like in fear of changing it.
Disruptive and forceful people intimidate you - and sometimes exploit you.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

You Are a Good Friend Because You're Loyal

You stick with your friends no matter what, even if you feel like they're doing the wrong thing.
You believe in letting people figure out their own path in life. It's not your place to interfere.

And part of your loyalty means that you'll do a lot for your friends. You definitely go the extra mile.
You'll even do great things for friends without them asking. After all, that's what friendship is all about.

You are truly a friend for life. And you have friends you've known since you were a kid.
Your friends can count on you to do a favor, remember a birthday, or just be there to listen.

Your friends need you most when: They can't turn to anyone else

You really can't be friends with: Fickle people who change friends quickly

Your friendship quote: "Friendship doubles your joys, and divides your sorrows."

What Makes You a Good Friend?

am i really?

Slow and Steady

Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy.

They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder.

It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment.

They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

How Do People See You?

after a long long time..

Wed, 06 Jun 2007 15:37:49 GMT

hello im finally back. after the last post about mission. haha. but its not that anyone actually knows about this blog. so it doesnt really matter. haha. so lets just list down all the stuff that have happened to me so far these 6 months.

GOOD STUFF
- Jo's my godmother!
- Nat's my godsister!
- my new name is Celesther Alexis Wong!
- i've improved alot for air pistol and i'm finally proud to call myself a shooter!
- i'm getting confirmed in another week or so. 17th June!
- i'm finally 16!
- i've grown up. a little.
- i realised that i actually like my school!
- i have pets! in total 5 terappins!
- i believe i'm acting slightly more girly now.
- i've opened a little.
- my relationship with my family have improved slightly.
- i sprained my leg.(i consider it good cause it is a once in a lifetime chance!haha.)
and many many more but i can't exactly remember now.

BAD STUFF
- i still can't get rid of the stupid habit of focusing on the negative side of others
- my results are getting from bad to worse.
- i still haven't maintain a realationship with God.
- my temper still sucks.
- i haven't learnt my lesson; i still avoid my problems.
- i don't have the guts to face my problems and solve them.
- i still can't trust myself enough to make decisions for myself.
- i still think i'm a unpopular person.
- my confidence level haven't increased.
- i don't have enough sleep still.
- problems just keep coming. i need a break.
etc.

but guess what. i'm gonna just forget about these problems. cause no matter how dead i feel how miserable my life is, God will always be there for me. he's there 24/7. its just when do i want to let him in. and i can't just keep telling myself this. i need to put it in action. yup. and i'm really looking forward to confirmation! finally after 4yrs. its my turn! yup. and now i think i can't bare to leave shooting. leave my juniors. i've always complained about them but really, their actions and all just brightens up my day. yup.

oh yes cc4 camp was good. i saw the spirit and jesus working in my friends. we were the only batch that even without praying over many of us were slained. yup. and almost everyone broke into tongues. yup. it really was a good experience.

and now i need to get back to amaths.
will post another day. yup.

Fri, 05 Jan 2007 17:37:57 GMT

so i haven't been blogging for a long while.but today i just had this feeling to post about all that have happened to me during the holidays. especially since mission.

i went to the phillippines for a mission trip from the 6th dec - 20th dec. at first, i really didn't want to go and was dreading it as the day of the flight drew nearer. also, even by the last week, i still haven't raised enough money for me to pay for the air fare. thus, i was super worried. i didn't want my dad to have to find money just for the trip so i didnt tell my parents about the lask of funds. but for h2o that week, i shared with the group about this shortage of money and that very night, money started coming in! iggy had raised extra so he decided to give me them to me! of course i was super excited. but it never once occured to me that it could have been GOD helping me. i merely thought it was a coincidence. then the next day, Melvin called me telling me that he had a prompting from God to help me raise the remaining funds. this time i still didnt think that it could ever have anything to do with GOD. then in the afternoon, he called again and told me he raised $50 with the help of nick and ben.and then i calculated the amount that i needed to raise and i couldnt believe my eyes. the amount tallied exactly with the amount melvin had raised! this time for sure i knew it must have been GOD sending them to help me. then i thought about it and it struck me that maybe it was really GOD's plan for me to go phillipines. maybe he really wanted me to experience the mission.
but still i felt like there was something inside that didn't want me to go. and so until the day of the trip, i still felt so down.. and i really wasn't looking forward to the trip. i just couldn't imagine the 2 weeks that i would be away, how would my parents and my sis live together without fighting.. but jo told me to trust in GOD, to trust that he would look after them and keep them safe. and she promised that during those 2 weeks, she would look out for celestine. thanks jo and excess for helping me to lighten the burden. but then i was still worried and i just couldnt live them up to GOD. that night, before i left, they prayed over me.. and i broke down. i just couldnt imagine 2 weeks without these friends of mine, 2 weeks without my family.. but still i had to go.
even thought throughout the trip i was very very very homesick and kept hidding myself inside my sleeping bag to cry, in the end, the whole trip was one memorable and really i experienced GOD and his children. throughout the trip, the kids of paraalang pantao, payatas were the ones that kept me happy, besides aloy, lucien and diana. without these kids, i would have never learnt and realised so much. these kids, nesslyn, joshua, angelica, junjun, evett, maryjoy, maryjane, nicasio, raymond, antonette, antonio, arralyn, mark joseph, beverly, cristyle jane, maryanne, mark christiaan, minda, jessica, jolina, rosalida, jonathan, russel, janey, shella, nelson, judyann, nilo, riza, maties, jomarie etc. these kids really taught me alot. their ever joyness, their braveness and the responsibility they had towards their siblings. these kids, no matter hat happened, they would always laugh. even when minda fell, she still laughed. when raymond, evett and jonathan had some infected wounds on their hands and legs, they didnt cry or even showed any sign of pain. that bravery shown through kids of 6yrs old really touched me. also, even though they had to work at the dumsite before and after they came to school, they were forever so cheerful. never once did they complain about being tired. even in class, they didnt complain when they had to dance, sing do homework. in fact they did everything willingly and happily. it really was a joy to see them in everything they did. and nesslyn, the love she showed towards her siblings was something that really made me reflect on how much of a sister i have been to my siblings.she was constantly looking after them, even when she was in school and they couldnt come in because they werent students of the school, she kept bringing food for them, sneaking out of class to play with them and keep them happy. as she's only 12!
lucien, aloy and diana also supported me throughout the trip. helping me whenever they could, supporting me whenever i felt so homesick and just being there for me throughout the entire trip. Thanks guys!

and so here's a prayer for the kids of payatas.

Heavenly Father,
i thank you for bringing these payatas kids into my life.
i thank you for their joy, their laughter.
i pray Lord that you will continue to be with them,
to protect them and keep them safe.
i pray Lord that these kids will continue to study,
to continue coming to school to learn, play.
i pray Lord, that you will let them know that their studies are important.
i pray Lord, that you will guide them all the way,
and never let them give up on their studies.
i pray Lord, that you will always walk beside them in every step of their life,
and let them experience you.
i pray Lord, that they will grow up to be knowledgable and matured adults
and will do their best to help tita letty.
thank you Lord Jesus Christ.
thank you Lord.
Amen.

Mon, 20 Nov 2006 18:16:33 GMT

so since qing says i haven't blogged for awhile.. i'll blog now.haha. so anyway today i'll blog about my favourite bible devotion session. really made alot of sense to me. yup. so here goes.

2Corinthians 9:6-15

[Remember that the person who plants few seeds will have a small crop; the one who plants many seeds will have a large crop. You should each give, then, as you have decided, not with regret or out of a sense of duty; for God loves the one who gives gladly. And God is able to give you more than you need, so that you will always have all you need for yourselves and more than enough for every good cause. As the scripture says "he gives generously to the needy; his kindness lasts forever." And God, who supplies seed for the sower and bread tp eat, will also supply you with all the seed you need and will make it grow and produce a rich harvest from your generosity. He will always make you rich enough to be generous at all times, so that many will thank God for your gifts which they will receive from us. For this service you perform not only meets the needs of God's people, but also produces an outpouring of gratitude to God. And because of th proof which this service of yours brings, many will give glory to God for your loyalty to the gospel of christ, which you profess, and for your generosity in sharing with them and everyone else. And so with deep affection they will pray for you because of the extraordinary grace God has shown you. Let us thank God for his priceless gift.]

here's what we discussed.

you reap what you sow.
it's not about giving because you can but about giving because you want.
giving: - giving to people and not expecting a reward of some sort.
- if something have already been given to a person, its already the property of that person and dont expect anything back.
- it's about helping the person and not about thinking of anything else.
- you want to give everything to God and if thats the case, you require self secrifice.
- Giving should really hurt your heart, it should be something thats important to us; if it doesnt hurt its not giving, its just something extra.

a good example of giving is how Jesus gave his life to us, to free us from sin.

to God, whatever you give to him, he will give them back to you, and you dont expect a reward from him but he will give it to you.
AND when He gives us back two-folds, he wants us to give that all again and the cycle continues.

generosity: giving abunduntly.

We should all be confident about the amount we give, not a over-confident nor a under confident. We ourselves know the right anount that has to be given and we should be confident about it. As long as the amount looks right in your perceptive, even if it doesnt seem right to others,be confident about it.

We should all be christ-like. Whatever we give, i should be a remembrance of what God did for us. he gave his only son to us and it too hurt him to do it.
In any ministry we go about we should always be christ-like as possible and in whatever we do, we have to project chrsit to evryone around us. we have to be as chrit like as possible, thats through sacrificing your wants, material needs, and so that when we give, even though it hurts, its already like a 2nd-nature to us.

WHY is it important to give??
- Jesus gave himself to us andin return we should give to others
- God gave us so much, even more than what we need, and so we should to others what has been given to us and not worry about whether there is enough for ourselves becasue God gave us so much more then we actually need.

its only when you are at your wit's end, when we are dry and then we can see how God works in our life.

Thu, 26 Oct 2006 15:47:44 GMT

im worried. worried that during the three days things might get really bad at home. i rather they get angry with me instead sometimes. then things wouldn't get too bad. they never understand that the more you try to change her, the more you scold her, bos her around, she will just do the exact opposite of what they wants!! it happened sooo many times and yet they just DO NOT understand! things would be easier if they understood each other.but NO they don't even bother trying to communicate. its always shoutings shoutings and more shoutings! wth do you all want me to do?! i try to help i try to keep the peace but what do i get?! more scoldings! and you people just know how to complain and nag and talk about how baad she have become now. did you all ever think that for everything that happens it can't just be because of one party! both parties are both involved and are in one way or another at fault! i've experienced it, i know. i really hope they will cool down the three days im not around. i know her when she gets angry she will seriously lose her mind. she will start sprouting out everything and then more trouble will occur. like father like daughter. dad's the same he'll talk nonsense and knowing her she will get more pissed and then a huge quarrelling match will take place. and mum's will be there beside adding fuel to the fire.. using that chance to say more things hat she is unhappy of her in front of him. that will make him more angry and then the HUGE COMOTION will take place. sometimes i thing they enjoy doing that. it's like a damn basic neccessity and its like something they need to have every day. without doing t they wouldn't be satisfied. i really pray that they will kep their cool for the time being or so. or at least until i get back.

Sun, 15 Oct 2006 11:05:58 GMT

excess is really funny ppl. there's joanna, melvin, julia, nat, ben, nic, edward, joshua, aloysius, eugene, my sis!, amanda etc... all of them are really nice ppl and im glad i know them. haha. but still.. sometimes i do feel weird around them. sometimes like i feel im too boring for them to start a conversation with.. there are even times when i feel awkward around them when my sis isint there! i mean they are really nice ppl and all but there are times when we seriously don't have things in common.. like the other time at the gig.. i couldn't stand it there! the smoke especially. its like they could stand it but im the only freak who was almost suffocating.. i guess the only person i can talk long conversations with is only julia.. haha. there is lots to talk with her.. school, teachers, the security guards.. luckily she was in sjc tooo.. that way, i can talk to someone comfortably without trying to find a topic.. haha. i guess its not that they aren't friendly... its just me thats weird. yup. im the one with the problem.. maybe im just too guai for them... maybe i should try drinking too.. maybe i'll see the good side of drinking??

Sat, 30 Sep 2006 01:45:33 GMT

i was just looking back at those testimonials and realised that I, CELESTHER WONG SHU PEI, have been the root of all the troubles. very nicely done celesther. we used to be soo close. the six of us. but because of my damnit screwed up logic, i ruin everything. DAMNIT celesther! accept people for who they are\1 stop trying to change them. even now if they want to go out, they would have to consider whether or not to invite me. hah. good job celesther. U caused so much trouble. freaking hell! im a shitty person, with a fucked up mind! celesther sucks celesther sucks! too late to turn bak the clock. we all are too far apart to be close again. things went wrong between all of us because of ME! i'm the bloody culprit!!!! freaking hell!!! I SUCK!!! maybe i would feel better if they all balame me, scold me. i juist realised how lousy a person i am. people used to say im a good friend and all, sorry to dissappoint you all, i'm not such a person. i am a lousy friend.

Fri, 29 Sep 2006 15:33:20 GMT

GOD, what exactly are you planning for me? i can't take it anymore. everyday from morning to night they are quarrelling. it may seem like it doesn't concern me but its hurting inside. one moment my mum's complaining about my sis, trying to get information out me, the next moment my sis is crying and extremely angry with my parents. LORD, why put me in the middle? i wnat to help them i can't. when they ask me of her whereabouts, i tell them , they don't believe me and accuse me of covering up for her. come on! if you don't trust me, why bother aasking? u all quarrel and i have to act like it doen't bother me. thank you very much! do you all even know how i feel??|!! my own sister crying, my parents fighting with my sister and i can't evrn do a damn thing!!i have to go home acting happy, acting like nothing happened but do you all really know that everything is not okay?? don't you all ever realise that scolding her won't work?? the more you scold her the more she feels like you don't care about her! wake up people!! scolding won't work!!! its no use!! get it??!! freak all of you!! niw i always have to be ther to make sure you all don't fight. wth. its not that i hate doing that. it's just all of you acting like that, it worrys me. i can't even study properly without thinking about the matter. i don't ven have the mood to study.

gosh. i feel like crying this whole week. my tears keep flowing out uncontrollably(did i spell that right?) good thing i had you guys. especially bay. thanks for being there when i broke down. thanks for listening to me. thank you. sorry about making you feel sad and all when u actually wanted to be happy. sorry. to edward and melvin, thanks for talking to her and cheering her up. you guys could do what i, her very own sister couldn't do. that just proves how lousy a sister i am. i can't omfort her wehen she broke down and worse still, i have to pretend i don't know some stuff. as long as she won't tell me personally, i have to pretend i'm such a blind and not observant sister. you think i don't know what you have been doing? i found out about it long ago. but still, i have to make it seem like i don't. it hurts you know? thinking that your own sister have been doing these and you didn't even know uintil much later. and i hurts that your own sister won't even trust you enogh to tell it to you. so now i have to keep it all to myeslf. i won't be able to take it any longer.

i found the joy of walking home. it actually lets me have time to think. to reflect about all the things that have ben happening these days. it makes me tear. but nobody would see it so its good right?i really wish things would go back to normal. i wish.

DEAR GOD,
THANK YOU FOR ALL THAT YOU HAVE GIVEN TO ME.
MAYBE I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE PLANNED FOR ME AT THIS MOMENT,
BUT AS LONG AS YOU ARE HERE WITH ME, GUIDING ME,
I WILL HOLD ON. I WILL TRY, LORD.
PLEASE BLESS MY FAMILY,
KEEP THEM SAFE AND PROTECT THEM FROM ALL HARM.
THANK YOU LORD.
AMEN.

Sat, 29 Jul 2006 18:08:30 GMT

today i went to watch CABARET. brilliant show. i did forget my troubles during the show, yes i did. but after that, everything came pouring to me.i first thing ppl said to me when i reached the esplanade was "are you a bung?" does anybody even know how much that one line hurts me??!! i try sooo hard to change my dressing. i tried to wear not so baggy clothes i did everything to make myself so girl but wad do i get??!! ppl still saying im a bung!!! if only that was all. i went home hoping to tell my family bout the show, hoping to share with them what happened, i talked, nobody even cared! they didnt even bother acting interested. so i shut up. then i asked mummy whether she was buying dinner back she asked if i was hungry i said no, so it wouldnt seem as if i was hurrying her. she said "that means you hungry lar. this is not the first time you like that." come on lar, like what??!! i just asked her one simple question. did she have to be so scarastic? then she got angry with me. later i watched dvd with her till like 1am. she said she was tired need to sleep. so she just left leaving me to do all the clearing up. so i told her " waa you very automatic hor?" then she got offended and got angry again saying this wasnt the first time. hello??!! it was my first time saying that line to her!!! then i dunno why i became so emotional, i just started crying. cried until now.which is like 45mins.

i felt so alone today. like i dont exist in this home. why carnt anyone ever consider my feelings? i tried finding someone to talk to. i msged so many ppl. none replied. now i realised, in times like these, when you really need someone to talk to, ther is hardly anyone. not that iblame them though, its past 1 already. who would be awake? i just feel so depressed suddenly today. its like im feeling stuff i have never felt before. i have nevr felt so alone before. never. todays the first. and no one cares. well, except my sis. i told her half of what happened, she tried to talk, she tried to comfort me. thanks celestine. i really needed to find someone to talk to. but there are some things she wont understand. she wont understand why i treated my mum's reaction so seriously. mummy and sis are the closest to me in the family. and yet mummy did this to me today. i really feel like someone just took away every single happy bit of me. leaving me with all these sorrows. i just need to talk to a friend. i badly need to. i used to be able to talk to her. but not anymore. we are kinda progresing to a hi-bye basis. maybe never bestest friends anymore.

i just feel like crying away everything. crying away till all is gone. and tomorrow would be a brand new day. it would be better. right?

Tue, 27 Jun 2006 15:33:49 GMT

i feel so tired nowadays. just feel like sleeping and just not go to school. i mean what is the point of going to school when im carn even stay awake? haha. i feel so weird sometimes. like until now im kinda alone in class sometimes. i carn expect jiaying and cathy to stay with me all the time right? i mean they have got other friends. im just not use to the class. its already been half a year and i still dont have someone whom will always stay with me. like when we go to classes, can walk with me instead of me walking alone most of the time, or trying to squeeze in between 2 ppl and trying to talk to them. i dont feel good interrupting them like that but neither do i want to be alone. haix.. i love classes where all i hae to do is si there and listen to the teacher talk. at least better then group work when again its a troublesome thing to find ppl to join the group. and when we have free time in class, which group do i go talk to? example today during the free periods of ss. cathy was with maddy fel and company and me just joining them feels funny. jiaying was with freda, qing, blah blah. talking bout things i dont even know. so it just doesnt make sense to join them. then what else can i do?! nothing but put my head on the table and sleep, do homework blahblah. next time i must remember to bring more hw to occupy myself. today didnt bring and so had to sleep. for 2 periods somemore. haha.

Fri, 23 Jun 2006 16:05:07 GMT

just came back from the hospital. on wed morning i went to the polyclinic to check my leg coz it was super pain. then doctor told me to go ttsh a&e department straight away. shocked lar actually. den went dere after lunch. paid $70 for de dunno what fees. and they checked me then told me that ttsh dont accept patients below 18 so had to transfer me to kk hospitalby ambulance. fine i told them. then waited in the observation room for more than 2hrs and later realised that they forgot to call the ambulance. finally reached kk and wait again and check again. finally at 7.30 went up to the ward. mum brought dinner and i ate and later did some hw and fell asleep.

in the hospital, it was actually quite fun. the nurses and student nurses were really friendly and i thank them for doing such a good job to make me really comfortable in the ward. the nurses talked to us played with the kids and really these kids were cute. many were only around 3 of even smaller. there was even a newborn baby. the meals were good. yummy! the bathing facilities werent that bad either.

after this experience, i realised that being a nurse isint tht easy. u have to do all the dirty jobs. help the kids pee. bathe them blah blah. and entertaining the kid was one of their top piorities. thats for sure. the students were the most friendly. all ranging about early 20s. they talked bout their experiences in school, their results. one of them even offered to do my amaths for me. i was soooo surprised that nurses of the class c could still be so friendly and nice. also, i realised that i am indeed fortunate. the kids there were mostly in a worst condition than me. many of them were under drips. imagine having needles stuck in your skin 24/7!! it hurts damn bad even for me to have it in my skin for 3mins or so. these kids are really brave. they did not even cry or show any sign of pain. that is the bravery that kids have. to be able to withstand such sufferings at such a small age. i would never have been able to do it. now i noe. i really take my live for granted. thinking my lifeis so miserable. even how miserable it is it cannot be compared to those of the children in the hospital. it is never comparable. never.

i kinda miss them now. miss the noise. the cryings of the babies. the whisperings of the nurses. the snorings of the tired parents, staying with their kids day and night. i pity them. they suffer too. having to worry about their kids all the time. worry about the bills and so on. life isint easy. it never will be. now i understand.

Sun, 18 Jun 2006 15:22:17 GMT

came back from camp already. at first i didnt think i would enjoy camp.. with the coffin and obituary activity in the first night. then the second day we had persecution. we were tied to each other and forced to wash toilet, do squats, cut grass, pick up grass blah blah. i was soooo angry.. i never felt angrier when i was forced to do the squats. my legs were hurting me i was going to give up anytime. but i didnt. thanks to ally, selina, nicole, chris, matthew and maybe even shawn. oh and not forget our facilitators, kevin and the rachels.if they didnt support me and encouraged me, i wouldn't be able to complete it. thank you!! later in the night we had a celebration of our faith. and we received our symbol of faith.. a rosary ring! it was simple but beautiful to me! i love it. on the third day, we had a reconciliation time had to do confession, sing songs and the cathecists prayed over us. i just kept crying. i couldnt pinpoint my feelings. my tears just kept flowing and flowing. especially when i was in the confession room with father peter koh. i coulndt control my tears. later i just felt so much lighter. now even if i have things to worry bout, i carn stop being so happy! in the night we had cog. shawn was the lead actor and even though we girls were terrified of him, but sheryl and cheryl could see the effort and the teamwork that we put in foe the skit. it wasn't really good but because we let shawn shine we gave him an opportunity to do something he wanted which was to sing and dance. and the facils were ever so supporting, teresa, karina, joanne. they put up with all our childishness and our cheekyness, shawn's behaviour and everything else! thank you guys sooo much!! it felt so good being able to work as a class to put up a performance. today we had an affirmation session and it was good. i started out like telling myself not to say anything. just listen to others. but i just had the urge to affirm my sis. even though we quarrel most of the times, i can always know she will be there to hear my complains and my groans. she my sis no matter wad we do to each other and all the mean things we say to each other. we will always be by each other. then the youth groups came to present. and i ended up in ACTS 29!!! yay!! but i wouldnt mind EXCESS or LITTLE DIPPERS!! haha. anyway i will be still going for the excess meetings with the rest of the ppl, debbie, evelyn, stacey, nat ong, selina and maybe mich. haha.

i just feel so good after camp. the feeling of relieve and a sense of peace came over me. even though i cried but i didnt only feel sad it was this longing. this feeling of longing. i can't really explain it but its like that. the camp was GREAT. thank you cathecists and facilitators for making the camp succeed! if it wasnt for u guys, we wouldnt have had opened our hearts to GOD to let HIM know how much we love HIM ahd to experience for ourself HIS love for us. i will always remember this time in camp. remember all that i experienced, EVERYTHING!! this camp made a huge impact on my life and i know my life will never be the same again. nope. my life have changed. i'm ready to let GOD come into my life. to open my heart and soul to him. CELESTHER LOVES JESUS!!!

i remember what sheryl said. she said when we were in sec 1 that "now there is a river between the boys and the girls but by the time u are sec 3 and 4 the river would have closed." its true. ever since COG we grew closer. bonded. i somehow feel like the boys in our class would always help us whenever we girls need the help. they are like the big brothers to us, always really to talk to help. thank you! not only have we boys and girls bonded, the cathecist also bonded with us, sheryl, cheryl and celina! i used to not like sheryl but now i feel that all that she had done for us in the past really nurtured us and matured us. she is like a second mother to us. cheryl always with us laughing and joking with usshe is more like a close friend to us than a cathecist. celina, the big sister. she will always be there for us when we need her. advising us. we are like a BIG family. always there for each other, growing up with each other. this is one family besides my fanily at home that i will always keep close to my heart, never will i forget them, NEVER!!

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 16:09:11 GMT

tomorrow is camp.oh well i should say its this evening since its already 12. i really don't know how i can endure 4 days in the same camp with her. its almost unavoidable that i have to talk. but i don't even know if she did accept the apology. i meani gave it to her like weeks ago and if she is uncomfortable trying to start a conversation then at least get someone to tell me whetherit was ayes or no! if it is a yes and i don't know and thus not do anything then she would think that i am a person who only talk but does no action. if it is a no then i'm here waiting stupidle for a reply, she might think i'm kinda desperate for her to accept the aplogy. what am i supposed to do?? try to closen the gap during camp? do nothing about it? what?! i dunno.. i'll just leave it in the hands of god. let him decide for me and whatever he has in stored for me, i'll gladly obey.

Wed, 31 May 2006 15:12:49 GMT

i dunno what to do now. they told me it was best to apologise and so i wrote de letter. i edited it 3 times!! and now here i am stupidly waiting for a reply that i feel will never come. i made the first move already. i apolgised for what i did. but now up to her. whether she will accept my apology or what??!! now i know what it feels like not to know what the hell is going on and getting so fustrated over it. theres nothing i can do now.. except .. well.. wait.

Thu, 25 May 2006 14:33:46 GMT

hai... today was a really tiring day. went to school and first went for mass then had the gospel singing. even though our class didnt win but 3 GRACE STILL ROCKS!!! haha. then had recess with the lower school. received the 2nd vice captain post today. really nervous and felt quite out of place but luckily there was anisah who tried to help me fit in. thanks! then had pizza and anisah and vanessa made their long long speech. haha. after tt went down to canteen and sat there talking with rach and the rest of the netballers. when they left, me and rach decided to go to the chapel and play piano. i realised that only after you have lost something you will then appreciate it. that is what happened when i decided to dropped piano. now i regret it. but what can i do now? haha. i wrote her a letter and edited it like 3 times. then gave it to steph to pass to her but i dunno why i felt embarrassed bout giving. haha. what feezah said really made sense. it isint worth it to end a long friendship just because of one quarrel. nope. its not worth it. i can do this. if i had the guts to end it, i should have the guts to admit my mistakes and apologise. yes celesther thats what i should do.

Fri, 19 May 2006 15:52:59 GMT

i dunno if its my imagination of not. i feel like we are drifting apart. maybe its just me. coz now im like the only one tt supposedly doesn't like her doesn't talk to her. i guess i am a coward. i dun dare apologise. haha. tts me the girl that dares to do wrong but not to amend my mistakes. its not that im jealous that they are spending more time with each other then with me. but maybe that is really how i feel. im confused. but at least i have got rach. at least i dun feel any change in the way she acts towards me. maybe im just paranoid. i really dunno!!!! even cathy doesn't really talk nowadays she have got new friends. thats what happens when we all split classes. we drift apart.

Wed, 17 May 2006 13:29:13 GMT

why izit that i have quite a number of friends but now when problems start pouring in.. i can't find someone to talk to.why do the problems have to come all at once??!! i'm seriously a failure as a friend. how many people have i upsetted?? FOUR. it's not as if i really want to do it.. i just can't stand it when i see a flaw in my friend. i do what comes in my mind first. i run away from the problem. i ignore the person. i avoid the person.what is wrong with you celesther??!! why are you such a coward??!! Why have i become like that!! they used to be my gd friends.. especially her.. she was like the bestest friend i ever had.. doing everything together.. same school same church. now what happens?? i can't talk to her. can't even look at her in the eye. why?! i'm so guilty. guilty for ignoring her. guilty for choosing to leave her when she had flaws. what the hell was i even thinking?? everyone has flaws including me! so why did i leave her when i knew her flaws?! i'm not a gd friend at all!! when another friend keeps complaining again and again.. i start getting annoyed with her. i unknowingly also starts to avoid her. then when i eventually realise.. too late. the friendship is ruined. all because of me. that izit such thing as a perfect friend. there can never be such a person in this world. i realised that too late. now i've lost 4 gd friends. 2 of them might still talk to me now.. but we will always be a hi/bye basis friends. i know it. they know it. i feel awkward around them. i can never act the same with them anymore. can't get back the past relationship. no. is that anyone i can talk to??

Tue, 25 Apr 2006 14:00:29 GMT

actually.. i'm not really angry with her anymore. now its juz de feeling tt i carn bring myself to apologising for my sudden anger to her. i can't bring myself to talk to her normally like how we used to. nope. i feel awkward around her and i know she feels the same way. im feeling damn guilty bout ignoring her and not telling her the problem. true friends would do tt. they would go up to tt person and tell her the flaws. i didnt. i did the exact opposite. i ran away from the the problem. tt was one of the dumbest thing i have ever done!! running from it doesnt solve it. it increases the problem. now its to the point whereby we both cant look at each other, cant even stand near each other without feeling awkward. its not entirely my fault though. it takes 2 hands to clap. i admit i was pasrtially to blame for the problem. but the thing is she dont even know that she is also to blame. maybe its my fault i didnt tell her. tts why. i dunno.

Sat, 15 Apr 2006 09:40:28 GMT

omg!! feeling so pissed off. i noe its not their fault dey carn go for de mass but i went top buy a new shirt and even a new memory card for the mass. ok fine i didnt pay for the card my dad did but now i feel damn guilty!!! i made him spend the money and now! arh!! should i even go or not now? ill be all alone and tt feeling sucks especially in church wen ppl u noe comes up to u and ask "eh.. why u alone?" gosh!!! i really wanna attend the mass but not wen im alone?!ahhh!!! how now? wad do i do?? diz sucks lar really sucks!! i told celeste i will be dere lar. n now since nobody's going, im having second thoughts. what should i do??!! goodness!!!